Speaking Literarily

Dialogue in Literature

Whether you’re writing a novel, novella, short story, or screenplay, your characters have to, sooner or later, speak.

Dialogue is an important feature in literature. In fact, it can make or break you. Stiff dialogue is a killer. Scintillating dialogue can save the day. So paying close attention to your dialogue, that is, to what your characters say, is critical.

It’s also a great chance to show your characters’ well, uh, character.

Let’s Start with Some Basics

Human speech has a natural cadence of language and reflexive dynamic. If you can get that right, you’re halfway there. But don’t make the mistake of avoiding having your characters speak or putting in a lot of useless exchanges. Dialogue must be used to enhance your storytelling. Don’t worry. It’s very doable.

Why Your Characters Speak

• Gives the reader insight into how the character feels and what motivates him or her to act, reveals the relationship between the characters

• Gets the reader a step closer to either the climax or the conclusion of your story

• Helps you establish the back-story

• Reveals important plot details that the reader may not know yet

• Ratchets up tension between characters (there is tension in what is spoken, and especially in what is not spoken)

• Establishes the mood

• Sets an atmosphere for each scene

Making Your Characters Speak Well

Remember, these are tips. Your own writing style may justify variations.

• Keep it natural. People rarely speak in whole sentences and tend to use contractions a lot (we’re vs. we are).

• Be brief. Avoid a dialogue that goes on for pages (yes, even in screenplays). Don’t wear out the reader. You can accomplish the above goals in short exchanges.

• Stay on point. That means avoiding chitchat that doesn’t achieve the above goals. “Great weather.” “Yeah, really good.” Doesn’t achieve a thing overall unless you make it seem to fit in. “Well, I asked you here on this lovely day to…” Small talk has its place, filling in awkward silences, for example, but in your writing, another tactic is needed unless you’re revealing something necessary to the reader about your character or the plot.

• Make your exchanges capture the essence of the moment. “You? I thought I’d seen the last of your ugly face.” “Ha! Fat chance.”

• Save the info dump for paragraphs. Putting long diatribes in dialogue can be very tedious. This is a general observation, though. Sometimes it’s necessary, but be judicious. You can get away with one or two in your novel (80k words or more), but keep them to a page or two. Some articles on writing suggest that you spread out this information across your fictional work.

• Use speech mannerisms and keep them consistent. This is a way to subtly support and reinforce characterization. Forceful, passive, direct, indirect, simple words, more complex verbiage, accents, regionalisms, and word choices are some areas where you can achieve this. One person might reply to a question with “Yep” and another with “Absolutely.” Both reveal very different characters or a different context. (The same character could use both in different situations.)

• Avoid telling. Don’t use your dialogue as a way to tell how a character is feeling. If he/she is angry, tell how they look (eyes narrowed, breathing deeply, tightened lips). If happy, he/she will be smiling, eyes shining, bouncing around, etc.

• Minimize hellos and goodbyes. Manners are one thing in life, but in fiction, hellos and goodbyes can bog down things for your reader. If you need them as part of the character, fine. Otherwise, leave them out and show a character entering or leaving.

• Use interruptions. Rarely do people get to speak without interruptions. Use them to show something about your characters or to break up a long speech. But be sure you are not making your hero look rude.

Dialogue as Part of the Plot

Rather than just having a ping-pong game with characters volleying back and forth, use your dialogue as part of the plot.

Here’s a suspenseful example from Hammil Valley Rising, the first book of my Freelan series:

“Here’s the one you want,” said Sid, chuckling, his generous girth shaking with glee.

“I thought when I moved up here almost thirteen years ago I was done dealing with slime like you,” said Jim in a voice filled with loathing, still looking out at the rain.

Sid chuckled. “Now, Jim, must we lose all sense of civility in this matter?”

Jim snorted with disgust and turned to him. “I’m not going to help you pretend that any of this is civil.”

“However you want it,” said Sid, “just as long as you sign. Then you get this.” He showed the paper to Jim and then folded it and put it in the inside breast pocket of his suit jacket.

Achieve suspense with these:

• Show one character having the upper hand in the scene

• Show the other character seething just under the surface

• Reveal something important to the reader

Remember the context. Jim is speaking to someone he detests. Jim would never speak that way to the woman he loves, the people who work for him, his friends, and others in general. Your dialogue must hold this sacred. Don’t have a character speaking to his mother in a way that is not in line with their relationship. If he hates her, he speaks one way. If he reveres her, he speaks another. Your characters will be more real and have more depth as a consequence. The best way to do this is to get into their heads, know who they are as people, and keep it in mind as you type.

Structure in Dialogue

Grammar

Grammar in conversation is looser and should fit the character. Ending sentences with a preposition, for example, is fine in conversation. In text, however, such faux pas should be avoided.

“So this fellow is someone important, then,” Gerard mused. “Someone Hardin needs to tread cautiously with. Probably someone you studied under…” — Chaos prologue, Tony Andarian

If the highlighted portion above were text instead of part of conversation, it would be written like this:

This is someone with whom Hardin needs to tread cautiously.

Of course, this is a general rule. The overall tone of your novel, short story, etc., will determine how precise you want to be. And sometimes being grammatically correct can be quite awkward.

Sentences

Another instance where conversation differs from your fiction text is sentences. People rarely speak in full sentences. We use phrases and sometimes a word or two. See the above example.

We also use contractions a lot, unless we speak English as a second language (most people who learn English often say “you are” instead of “you’re”). I found that reading through my characters’ conversation out loud helps me get the feel of it to see if it flows and sounds natural. I add in contractions wherever practical.

Text can, of course, contain sentence fragments, but this is usually done for emphasis or to set a certain tone.

Dialect

Of course, dialect in conversation can be a key part of your storytelling. A great example is.

“Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.” — The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain

Text, however, should not as a general rule contain dialect elements. If the above was not part of conversational text, it would be written like this:

Right is right, and wrong is wrong. People have no business doing wrong when they have full knowledge of right.

Of course, that would hardly fit with the tone of the novel.

Getting the “Saids” Right

A challenge for fiction writers when dealing with conversations is something I call the “saids” (also called dialogue tags). All those “he said” and “she said” after every line of dialogue can be tiresome for both writers and readers, slowing down the reading flow. They’re also a bit of a pain to type. But you can avoid them and still keep clarity for your reader if your careful.

Formatting More Casually

“Casually” does not mean leaving out quotation marks (“”) like an author I know tends to do. In fact, it’s one of the worst things you can do. I gave up trying to discern dialogue from text about halfway through the first chapter (in all fairness, that wasn’t the only issue – crudity and, frankly, sloppy writing were an issue).

Formatting more casually means, among other things, leaving out some of the “dialogue tags,” as some call them, such as “he said,” “she demanded,” and so on. Just be sure that your dialogue clearly shows who is speaking. Casually also means not always having the “said” at the end or beginning of the dialogue line.

I saw a recent article which said to stick with “said” and avoid adverbs and adjectives. (No wonder some modern writing is so bland, with advice like that being given out.) Feel free to ignore that advice and use alternatives to “said” (see list below) as well as adverbs and adjectives. Imagine the exchange below if written following that other article’s advice:

“What about this sale of the company?” demanded Sid in a thunderous tone.

“What about it?” asked Jim calmly. “I own seventy-two percent of the stock.”

Why Use or Not

While “saids” (and their alternatives, a few of which are listed below) are needed for clarity in some instances, they can get in the way of dialogue pacing. An exchange between two characters that’s supposed to be rapid-fire will instead be more horse-and-buggy speed.

Leaving out the “saids” only works, though, if you have no more than two people in that dialogue or if you don’t need to add in descriptions that add to the scene.

Two people are speaking but their mood and manner need to be shown, and dialogue tags are used where needed for that purpose:

“What are you planning to do with the land once you buy it?” asked Hal nonchalantly.

“Well, this isn’t really about the land – or not entirely,” said Jim, a twinge of anxiety coming through in his voice. “It’s also something else, something that Rose has yet to learn.”

“What?” asked Hal, staying nonchalant.

“A couple things actually,” said Jim, not wanting to go into details.

“Such as?” asked Hal persistently.

“Such as that whole business Carl cooked up,” said Jim, exasperated. “I’m hoping that my offer will soften the blow.”

“You don’t know how strong-willed Rose is,” said Hal, suddenly sounding very serious.

Each line of dialogue should ideally start on a new line, but these days you can bend that rule a bit. In fact, sometimes I have a line of dialogue in the middle of the paragraph, as shown here:

He broke the silence and said to Jim in a tired, confidential voice, “The time has come. I’ll call you in the next couple of days. Now, if you’ll please excuse me.” He stood, shook Jim’s hand in appreciation, and went back into the house, assuming the role of party host again while Jim remained seated.

By keeping all this in one paragraph, the action is contained as well, not split by those paragraph breaks. You have to be careful, though, to keep things clear for the reader.

Before editing:

The young man backed away slightly and said, “I’m better than you. I care about these creatures. You just want profit.”

“So do the people who made that T-shirt you’re wearing,” said Jim, “and the Jeep that you drive and the cell phone in your pocket and all the other things you enjoy. They all want profit. It tells them they are doing something worthwhile, and then they can do more and even better things.”

“Well,” said the young man, “those companies might want profit, but they’re making useful things.”

“That’s your standard?” asked Jim. “Profit on making something useful is okay? And my agricultural endeavors that feed people and provide jobs are not useful? And how did you become the judge of what is useful? Why aren’t you driving an electric car instead of that gas-guzzling Jeep? Or better yet, why aren’t you riding a bicycle? Or walking everywhere? Why aren’t you wearing clothing made of leaves woven together? Your hair looks like it was cut with an electric razor by a barber. Why not just singe it off with a hot coal?”

“Coal pollutes!” said the young man.

Jim sighed and said, “You certainly have all the rhetoric memorized well. I need to get to work now. Leave and never come on my land again or …”

“Or what? Are you threatening me?” asked the young man as he stuck out his chin in a manner that reminded Jim of a stubborn and ignorant child.

“Or I’ll have you arrested,” said Jim and then walked back into the kitchen and sat down at the table to eat his breakfast, not looking back.

After editing:

The young man backed away slightly. “I’m better than you. I care about these creatures. You just want profit.”

“So do the people who made that T-shirt you’re wearing and the Jeep that you drive and the cell phone in your pocket and all the other things you enjoy. They all want profit. It tells them they are doing something worthwhile, and then they can do more and even better things.”

“Well, those companies might want profit, but they’re making useful things.”

“That’s your standard? Profit on making something useful is okay? And my agricultural endeavors that feed people and provide jobs are not useful? And how did you become the judge of what is useful? Why aren’t you driving an electric car instead of that gas-guzzling Jeep? Or better yet, why aren’t you riding a bicycle? Or walking everywhere? Why aren’t you wearing clothing made of leaves woven together? Your hair looks like it was cut with an electric razor by a barber. Why not just singe it off with a hot coal?”

“Coal pollutes!”

Jim sighed. “You certainly have all the rhetoric memorized well. I need to get to work now. Leave and never come on my land again or …”

“Or what? Are you threatening me?” The young man stuck out his chin in a manner that reminded Jim of a stubborn and ignorant child.

“Or I’ll have you arrested.” Jim turned, walked back into the kitchen, and sat down at the table to eat his breakfast, not looking back.

Taking out extraneous “saids” makes the dialogue read more quickly in this rapid-fire exchange of philosophy between my novel’s hero Jim O’Connell and a young man from an environmental organization.

However, when you have more than two characters participating in the conversation, “saids” are essential, as shown here:

“Quite a few folks here already,” observed Henry.

“Yes,” said Rose. “He seemed to have a lot of friends.”

“There’s friends, and then there’s friends,” mused Henry as he got out of the SUV and held the door for her.

“Oh, Henry, there you go being philosophical. What does that mean?” asked Katherine, getting out the other side and walked around to them.

A third person commenting here made the “saids” (or an alternative) necessary.

Err on the side of clarity. If it will be clear to the reader who is saying what, omit the “said.” Otherwise, include it. And a long conversations of simple back and forth will be clearer if now and then you mention which character is saying what.

When in doubt, read aloud. If you can get someone to read with you, all the better. It will make flaws stand out or, even better, assure that your dialogue is realistic and flows.

Some Alternatives for “Said”

Here are some words I have used extensively instead of “said”:

Stated – Averred – Observed – Avowed – Cried – Mused – Yelled – Growled – Cooed – Stipulated – Explained – Insisted – Required – Claimed – Ordered – Commanded

Of course, if your character is asking a question, you’ll want to indicate this if it’s in a spot of dialogue where “saids” need to be included:

Asked – Demanded – Replied – Answered – Responded

Your thesaurus (printed or online version) will list many more. Picking the right one will not only mix things up a bit and make them more interesting for your reader, but help convey mood and character of the speaker.

A Note on Word Order

Some authors put “said” or its equivalent after the speaker’s name or pronoun.

“I’m a volunteer fireman,” said Chuck hurriedly, “and I’m headed out to help put out the fire.”

Others reverse that when using the speaker’s name.

“I’m a volunteer fireman,” Chuck said hurriedly, “and I’m headed out to help put out the fire.”

Which one you use seems arbitrary as long as you are consistent throughout the work and your meaning is clear to the reader.

Keeping Just Enough Realism

People’s actual speech is a bit too “real” for great dialogue. They use verbal pauses such as “um” and “uh” and trail off sentences, often changing subjects in the middle. You want to have just enough real speech to make it sound real. That includes not overdoing accents. Some “experts” say to avoid them in dialogue and just say something like “he said in a strong French accent” to give the reader a clue. I decided to add in some accent here and there, keeping it light, like this:

“Mornin’, horses’re out to pasture,” he greeted her in his usual quiet, plainspoken manner.

Just as in real life, break up your dialogue with action. People often talk while doing things. Pacing, typing, dancing, eating, drinking, or a host of other activities are going on. Including these in your dialogue gives that additional touch of realism, but be sparing with it.

“Let me have that muck fork,” said Rose, taking it from him. “You haven’t gotten these three stalls on the end yet.”

Presenting Information as Dialogue Instead of Text

All writing advice is to be taken with a grain of salt, as the saying goes, even this article. For example, “experts” advise that you should not use dialogue to present back-story. However, if properly done, you can. Dialogue is more active and tells the reader about your characters, so there’s no reason not to use it to introduce that bit of back-story. Just handle it carefully.

“Experts” also pooh-pooh long chunks of dialogue, but again it’s a matter of how you handle it. I found that breaking up necessarily long chunks helps.

“It was the same for Katherine and me when we left Reno all those years ago. Yes, I wanted to get away from the orchestra grind, but other burdensome and destructive forces were also creeping into our lives. Inner city living was fine with us. Then it started changing for the worse. Everyone seemed to start hollering about not having enough city services for those who deserved them, whoever those deservers were. It seemed like the majority of city inhabitants started to feel they were entitled to something or other, anything they personally wanted, this or that, without any idea or concern about how it was paid for or by whom. Dog parks, skating rinks, subsidized food hubs, public fountains, bike trails. Then came the increasing maintenance fees for these things. It was all emotional demands, with no rhyme, reason, or rational basis behind these entitlements.”

Katherine nodded in agreement.

“Then,” continued Henry, “many of their political representatives, their elected elites who had the answers to everything but knew nothing, jumped at the chance to save the day. We felt like the mob was taking over. Only feelings drove policy. Taxes went up, money was thrown everywhere, but all we got were fewer services. There was no budget oversight or spending accountability in any government office. Just the excuse that they never had enough money to spend.”

Jim shook his head, having seen the same thing happening in Los Angeles.

Henry went on, “Then special groups yelled that they were losing their ‘civil liberties’, so as they gained more ‘liberties’, we started losing our own individual rights and freedoms. Finally, our private property meant nothing to the people around us. Out-of-control graffiti and looting ensued. It felt like some invisible societal ‘black plague’ slowly coating us with chained servitude. We were choking to death, but it wasn’t from smog. We had to leave, go somewhere to breathe again. Fortunately for us, my mother and father needed some help out here, and we used that as an opportunity to take a break from city life. We had no idea if this was going to work for us out here, but it was away from what Reno was becoming.”

Making It “Golden”

Train your “ear” for how people speak in real life by listening to people around you, and then apply a modified version to your prose. You can also read what others write and see what suits you. The best trick is to read your dialogue aloud and see how it sounds. If you’re tripping over places, edit and then reread.

You’re competing for readers out there. Dialogue is a great way to make your work stand out.

Bottom Line

Speaking literarily can be tricky, but you can master it. Hope you found this helpful and have been inspired to start writing!

Please check out my works in progress (WIPs). And thanks for reading.